I can’t go on. I’m sorry. I’m a piece of shit, a worthless piece of shit. I have hurt so many people and so many people hate me, but no one can hate me more than I hate myself.
I’m a slut, I’m a whore. I am a liar, I am stupid, I am thick, I am dirty, disgusting, I should have died years ago.
I can’t keep living like this, I hate it. I hate having empathy for people, I hate having dreams and hopes and feelings. Nothing good comes from them. I will never be a writer, I will never be successful, I will never level up in cheerleading. I’m shit. Im shit at everything.
All I wanted from life was to write and cheer. Is that so much to ask? I can’t even get happy for practice or competition. The life has been sucked from me, I am empty, dead inside. Something inside me is broken. It was dodgy for a while but now I’m broken. Truly fucked up. The only thing I’ll be killing is my physical body, the rest of me has already gone. I’m tired, I’m so tired of this war going on inside me and with other people. It’s been about fifteen years since it started and it will remain forever so.
So I’m sorry, I’m letting you down. Please, try to understand and forgive me. I’m scared, I’m so so scared.
I’m in the mood to watch a romance film set in the 19th (or earlier) century about gay lovers.
Does anybody have any recommendations?